And before you know it, the end of the month sneaks up on you and that blog you were growing withers....not that I see anyone is reading.
In the time I've been absent I've found a new writing friend, attended a writing group who meets once a month for a few hours, and Mother has made her appearance on the river of my mind. She poles along in the mist like some vaperous being shrouded and aloof as she determines how she will speak. Not if. How. As a discipline, I agreed with my writers group that I would make every attempt to complete her chapter, for she is the antagonist of my whole world and writing to forgive her requires coming to understand her. She is many faceted and impossibly complex. She is enough for her own book, with her own huge story. Until I complete her, the memoir won't move on. She peers from her longboat, asking with her demeanor if I can dare to confront my demon. Bring it on, Mama. I 'm finally ready for you.
With a little bravado and some whistling in the dark, I sent off essays to two contests, with plans for a third one. Contests are really a challenge, but worth doing. Not quite like trying to win the lottery, but similar. Who will judge my essay and in what condition. Did the judge have a root canal this morning? Or facing divorce? Have a hangover? What? Writing and reading are so subjective. Sometimes it is okay to toss the rules, but when? To be edgy, but when? Serious or hysterically funny, but when? And trust me, dear reader, on some days nothing will be worth reading if it isn't about vampires.
And winning contests is not equivalent to being published. Ditto an award. Yek. Meaningless. In the end, it's more about the gut need to write this thing, to wrestle it to the ground. To get it said. And Mother, creeping along in her boat, gliding to my dock, seems to have agreed to come clean and tell me those things I have not been able to dope out myself.
Come in off the water, woman. Meet me here on dry land. Let's talk. Not to put too fine a point on it, we have something to say to the world.