One can so easily forget the blog when life gets in the way. Between health issues and essay writing, it was easy to get sidetracked, pulled away from the memoir and get lost down primrose paths and dark bottomless holes.
I learned this week it is possible to write so much "show" that it can overshadow "tell"! I learned that polliwogs sing, that the night temps determine when they stop and start, and that Venus and Jupiter, hanging in the night sky all this month are good for another few days if the skies are clear. There is something mystical and magical about them. They have a presence, no doubt about it as they stand firm in the black velvet. Every clear evening sends me the front door where they make their appearance. I am bummed if it is overcast. Venus, because that planet is closer, dwarfs Jupiter which I know to be the largest planet, but so much farther away. astronomy is not my strong suit, nor is it much of my interest, but I am quite enamored of these two planets so visible this month.
The memoir suffers in the moment. Until my plate is cleared I can't concentrate on it. Polishing is done. Weaving is not. I mean to say I must do the work of making it flow so that you page turners will....turn the page! There is no doubt that the story is a gooder. No doubt that it is well told. No doubt that I have captured my mother, the eraser, negator, rubber out par excellence! But I have.... And memoir writing can get you there...discovered brokenness and pain in my antagonist that, had I understood her tragedies, I would have recovered sooner.perhaps we withhold our ability to see until we can bear seeing.
I can say, though, in my most frightened moments, I wanted my mother. But you see, I always wanted my mother. She did not want me.