Saturday, October 5, 2013
Protecting my Joy
It is just past dawn, the sleepy sun peeking over the lip of the horizon as it begins a slow, lazy climb to its position in the morning sky. The early mist burns off in whisps like lacy smoke, to reveal the brilliant glory of early autumn where I live. In the dead calm air, the mist erases itself to hint at the last days of Indian summer, the leaves ablaze with golden hues agaainst lipstick red and Halloween orange. The rising orb of shocking gold floats amidst big fluffy clouds stacked high and backlit in the new light of day. I can see a long distance as the dawn unfolds and dissolves into morning clear and bold and full of itself, like morning has accomplished a new miracle of light and shadow and color, with a "look at me" attitude. I am filled with the joy of being alive, surviving my ordeals, grateful that in the midst of government mess, really rotten economy and leaders unmasked as accomplished bullies. my joy's value is paramount. I watch really old men and women shut out of the memorial raised to their valor and, past the outrage, I weep for this kind of brutality. I see little children kept off swings, seesaws, green grass bullied in the same way. Am I the only one who sees such abuse of power visited upon the least of us as what it is? Is this a movie? A bad fairy tale of the wicked witch of the west? No. It is our reality, with our leaders unleaashed as the evil they reaally are. And the thinking steals my joy. My joy has been hard won. From beginnings in an orphanage to cancer so late in my life, I have fought with determination to keep and protect my joy. The morning sunrise, so enriching, so humbling, so miraculous, so nourishing, moves me to tears of gratitude that however bad the current world is, the sun still rises to grace my day. My job, my responsibility to myself, is to protect my joy. It is Saturday. Serenity is my goal, at least for today. Today I will take care of me. The world can go away. Far, far away. I'll drink a comforting cup of Constant Comment and eat a toasted bagel as big as my head. Do a load of laundry, go to the movies, paint a red lip on my face. All the things that trouble me are way out of their boundaaries. Today, I'm walking away, and back to my joy.